Cracking Open Creativity
I have been shutting down my creativity, and it is time to crack it open. Is it time for you too?
I am sitting in O’hare on a layover, trying not to crack open sobbing.
It probably wouldn’t be the first time. I used to fly in and out of O’hare all the time as a teenager and would frequently journal with tears streaming down my face while waiting for my flight. There’s an emotional familiarity to this place of travel and transition.
I haven’t flown in 2 years and I forgot why I loved it. This is why I love it. A day with my phone on airplane mode and very little to do but be with myself and the books and podcasts I’ve put on hold. This is when I catch up with bookwork and the tenderness in my heart.
Today that is all colliding around the topic of creativity, creative expression, and being an artist and performer.
I used to call myself an artist. In college my apartment was the art apartment. Friends would come over and we would paint, and everyone’s art would go on the wall no matter what it looked like because everyone was an artist (whether they knew it or not). I was painting regularly, doing Julia Cameron’s The Artist’s Way, and surrounded by musicians not knowing wtf I was doing in life. I was an artist.
I stopped calling myself an artist when I started calling myself a coach. It wasn’t a conscious decision…I think it was because I stopped making art. Seems reasonable, how could I call myself an artist if I wasn’t creating art? Instead of abstract swirls of color on canvas I was focussed on creating a stable life for myself and wanting to build a business teaching others to do the same. My creative energy was being directed into other endeavors, which is totally fine and what I needed to do.
Similarly, I also used to be a performer. I acted throughout my entire childhood and it was what gave me LIFE. I stopped acting when I went to college. I needed to learn to just be myself, and not constantly live through characters. Which, again, is totally fine and what I needed to do.
The thing is, creating a beautifully stable life without any art, creativity, or play ends up being INCREDIBLY dull. Suffocatingly so.
The stability becomes just as miserable as the instability used to be. And it is why my heart feels like it is shuddering out of my chest in this airport right now. I miss my creative, artist, performer self with every part of my being.
I have been trying to give her outlets through play and facilitating creative workshops, which I love! I really do! I see crafting a workshop like crafting a play, or an experiential art journey of sorts. It absolutely is a form of creative expression for me, but it isn’t the end all be all.
I want to re-infuse play and creativity into adults' lives with my workshops, but to do that I have to ensure I am re-infusing MY life with pure creative expression.
I have to be taking the risks of making art, writing, and performing again, no matter how much this scares the shit out of me.
And it scares the shit out of me, lol.
In come all the insecurities that, honestly, are also why I stopped making art, writing, and performing (o yea, I also love to write).
“I’m not good enough.”
“That project is too big, how could I even do it?”
“I don’t have time.”
“I’ll never make money at this.”
“What if I can’t act anymore?”
“What if I can’t write beautifully anymore?”
“But I need to know more painting techniques…”
Et cetera. Et cetera. Et cetera…
But I’m done letting these insecurities control my creative expression.
Because, honestly, I don’t care about these insecurities anymore. I just need to create, like a kid needs to run and play after being cooped up in school all day. My heart is bursting with the message of “Just perform, write, paint something godammit! Being scared is part of it all!!”
So, to overcome all these blocks and insecurities and unleash my creative self once again, I am going to do The Artist’s Way.
For those who don’t know, The Artist’s Way is a 12-week book created by Julia Cameron, accomplished writer and director. Since it was published 30 years ago it has exploded into a global resource on how to unblock the innate creativity every human being possesses. Everyone from housewives to famous creatives have used this book to jumpstart their creativity. The famous memoir, Eat Pray Love, written by Elizabeth Gilbert, came out of her doing The Artist’s Way.
For a taste of The Artist’s Way I made a video of me reading the introduction. You can check it out here:
Now, The Artist’s Way is best done in a group, or “creative cluster” as Julia Cameron calls it.
And, since I do love facilitating people coming together, especially on the topic of creativity, I decided to invite others to join me on this creative journey.
If what you have read here resonates with you, and you also feel creativity trying to burst through you…
Or, if you feel you have completely lost all sense of your creative instincts and want to reignite that part of yourself…
Or, if you are very in touch with your creativity, but feel it could use a refresh…
Or, if you think you aren’t creative, but wish you were (you are, everyone is)...
Or, if you are anywhere in between these things…
Then, you might enjoy joining me on The Artist’s Way.
There is no cost to join, all you will need is the book, a journal, and the time and commitment to recovering your creativity. (If you think you don’t have time, but want to do this, sign-up anyway and come to the first call to see how it feels).
To join me on this creative adventure, simply sign-up through the link below:
After you sign-up you will receive an email with all the info you need to participate (check your spam/promotion folders).
Our first introduction call will be Thursday, February 3rd from 6:30-8:30ish CST. We will meet every Thursday at that time for the following 12 weeks as we work through The Artist’s Way together.
I am so excited (and scared) to be embarking on The Artist’s Way journey again. I did the whole book once before and ended up having my paintings in an art show for the first time. I can’t wait to see what comes out of this round for me and everyone who comes along for the ride!
If you have any questions, please don’t hesitate to reach out.
I truly believe all humans are creative as a birthright.
Just as much as I believe play is essential for a full life worth living, I think creativity is too. This creative expression looks different for everyone and that is what is so incredible about it.
Whether you join me on The Artist’s Way, or not, I hope this inspires you to do something creative for yourself today. Remember, creativity doesn’t have to be artistic. It can be woodworking, coding, baking, cooking, gardening, banging the keys on the piano…Whatever brings your heart joy to express and create, go do it.
As always, thank you so much for reading. This substack was the start of me letting my creativity out into the world again, and it means a lot to me to get to show up on this page to process and share my insights with you.
Until next time,
Ellen